Men's Perspective

David Bissonette:
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry:
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas:
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud:
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous:
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Sam Kinison:
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran:
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray:
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash:
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous:
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman:
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield:
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Anonymous:
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous:
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Scotch

A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand.

The fellow took a sip, spat it out, and told the bartender, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a three year-old one.

"When the bartender heard that, he checked the bottle and was amazed that the fellow was right -- he had served him a three-year old scotch. The bartender wanted to see how good the fellow was, so he served him another scotch, this one a six-year old.

The guy had a sip and spat it out, complaining, "I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a six-year old one."

The bartender was surprised by how good this fellow was. So the barman decided to play one more little game. He served the customer a nine-year-old scotch instead of a twelve-year old one as requested.

The fellow had a sip and spat it out, stating, "I think I asked for a twelve-year old scotch and not a nine-year old one."

The bartender was very impressed and finally served him the demanded twelve-year-old scotch.

The customer took a sip and added, "This is what I asked in the first place.

"At the end of the counter sat a man who had witnessed this scene. He sent a tumbler to the scotch expert and asked him to have a sip.

The fellow did so and spat it out and said, "Good Lord, that's piss."

The other man added, "Now tell me how old I am."